qeshakim

i? regret? haha

2011-05-28T19:29:00.000-07:00

i don't regret anything. i mean why should i when now everything seems to be so frigging perfect. he's fixing me and i just let him get to me make and me fall even deeper in love with him :)

i thought i miss him. but guess i was wrong. im just so glad i realized it now. well i kind of let it all out to him on this one night because i can't keep it anymore. i need to clear it off of my chest. he was surprised bcuz to him i was kind of diff. no longer that oh so decent and super nice girl. haha. how? oh, im good at talking now. he tot i was seducing him, i mean that's sooo ridiculous. i have a boyfriend whom i love soo much. he was judging me that night and was being wow unbelievably truthful. haha. like who do you think you are eh?? it was stupid for you to think that way. just because i told you i was confuse, you push and pull me like im dumb enuf not knwoing what your intention was. just enuf of that. i was surprised too, it doesn't hurt now. so, don't think that i want you back because that's just plain wrong. so, there will be no 'what if' because i'm certain at all the decisions i've made. and thank you so much for helping me realize all that. i'm not starting anything, not even a fight though we seem to be going that way. i know how you're like now so yeah. hey, you're not that hebat pn. once i looked up to you and now, i was mistaken. easy say, you dont know how to have fun and how to treat a girl, that's why you easily get bored and annoyed. such a pity.

surprised :)

2011-03-14T21:24:00.000-07:00

HEE you're the sweetest ever <3

you really truly make up my day, you surprised me, you got me, smiling the whole day.

HAHA. how can i not say im sooooooooooo deeply in love with you. huh baby? so dont ever try to doubt me or else, :P you gonna get a bunch from me. TOMBOY?? nahh im just being a bit of umm rebellious to u.

2010-12-28T23:21:00.000-08:00

heyy!

hey

hahaha

y hahaha
how r u?

nthg
well
im having some complications
ahaha

about?

i just felt la HAHAHAHA-ing
something
how r u?

good
okay
living

hahaha
yeah
i can see that
im just nervous

nervous for?

next year spm kott
haha

lol
u must be joking

what??
hahaha

just chill la

hahaa

its not that huge as u think
its gonna go just fine

u think?

dont be so paranoid about it..then instead of doing reallly really well, u'll kantoi some subjects
just take it easy
and be confident
not over confident
just enough of it to go through spm

ohh whoaa
ok
thx alot
u noe btter
kantoi some subjects haha
well im not being paranoid i hope im not
just the pressure of it like a big burden
u told me bout it b4

haha
trust me its not that big..when u r already in form 5
then think about it
now just relax
and when ur studying
study properly
like revise everyday
make sure u start from early
little by little
then u'll not be afraid of spm at all
trust me
u'll be waiting, when will it come closer
coz u know, u'll do really well
when u already master everything, just finish the whole syllabus and do alot of exercises
like modern maths
r u afraid of modern maths exam?
i guess not right
i got like 98 for my trials
coz i know almost everything about modern maths
and how to do it
it comes with practise
of coz everyone is afraid of spm, but if ur prepared..y be afraid?
so, the solution is reaally simple..be prepared
from the start
u'll do just fine
trust me

guess im lack of exercises
yeah that's my prob
i forget things easily
mod pn
my last exam i got 80 for add becuz of stupid mistakes
and
sejarah
that's like alot

and yeah..focus..dont make silly mistakes
when u do alot of exercises..u'll know how to prevent those silly mistakes
u know what? the whole form 4 i failed my add maths
FAIL
i never failed before in my whole life

really??
i never noe bout it
u didnt tell

but everyone experiences failure in life, its normal

yeah

but in form 5
i started doing exercises
lots of it
every prep
instead of talking and sleeping
i do add maths
like 10 questions a day
and then from fail, i got A
its simple

simple yeah
i really need this kind of motivation

i'm talking to ur mom as well

ohh haha
ok

whr is she?

10 Q a day
at home

u all online fb..active users

haha
well yea
i was quite down
for add act

what u got?

and my agama physics as well
ohh
80 from 100

and ur down?
lol

shut up

ur funny
i told u
ur just paranoid

i guess so

just relax..and everything will be fine

im aiming A+

thats paranoid..being down just coz u got 80
its just form 4

physics is hard

and final exam

hahaha
shut up
lol

u have lots of things to learn before spm

i noe

there r camps and stuff

it's so competetive ok

which teaches u stuff
alot of stuff

yeah

u dont have to compete la..unless u really want to...just let them beat u...its ok..what matters is u do well in spm..

i just need that semangat back
okay
yeah i noe
im thinking that way
but my mom

and trust me..doing well in spm doesnt mean u do well in ur life or university
chill la
parents pressure is normal
u just have to ignore it to some certain extent

hahaha
yeahh
that's sooo true

just let it pass..dont really care about it..coz u wanna do well later
dont get under pressure
coz wanna talk to them is hard..to make them understand is hard..just agree with whatever they say,, but then do it ur way
if they ask, hows exam..say its good
dont let them pressure u more

u noe how am i like so dont laugh
hahahaha
that's a nice one

i'm not teaching u how to lie, but how to survive

hahaha
i noe
well maybe im just too bendul
--'

haha

so i told them every details

then try be a lil bit smarter
ur already smart
be sharp
be alert
think of the consequences
before u say something

hahaha
ok

seriously

thanks alot

hey i gtg..we'll talk some other time k

ok

tc

u too

and hows ur bf btw?

hahaha
dont ask

y?

errr

ok

idk

we'll talk later k
tell me about it

alrite
btw

bye

im goin bak on the frst

tc

bye

2:41pm
oh
me on the 2nd
bye
ttyl

haha
ok

alive

2010-06-26T20:15:00.000-07:00

so now what
it has been sooo long since we last met
since the last complication
and now i've been very busy with school
not to mention but
life as a form 4 is like a roller-coaster ride
LOL :))
we led our own life
and i cant believe he replaces me already.
i mean how easy for him to do that and it's not fair.
maybe that has been the problem he was facing when he wanted to
ignore me but cant he just do that earlier before things got deeper.
i hate him so much
just because i wanna put him aside
cuz i got this shitting problem that i don't knnow why i can't forget him still
it's hard to replace someone that you love so much
he ownself said that to me
when he wanted to apologize
oh yeah he said he was sorry
for being such a fool
he is so FOOLISh, DUMB and all that.
he said he was ashamed for doing wrong.
for ignoring me and to let it hanging.
yup when i think about it agian
i dont know why is it so heartfelt.
maybe cuz im feeling lonely the lonliness
really bit me and shattered moi.
i know some guys.flirt with them. but it doesnt work
obviously. WHY?
mls nk type.
leave it. till now i haven't found a guy like him
until now he's the only guy that is so sweet honest dear
and i dont know.
and there's no one like him.yet
well sooner or later. alright let's leaver it ok aqish.
dont waste your time moaning about him.
that is so stupid.
go on with your life.have fun.study.
get to know some guys.
im not saying that i want to be wild.
never.
but girs just wanna have fun.
anyway
i dont know why again a pakistani
aprroached moi.
i layan him laa.he's way better looking than him.
but
come on he is so far away.
whatever. let's see how far it goes.haha
alright. bio is waiting for moi. and so byebye.

decided

2009-12-29T03:00:00.000-08:00

i've decided
oh before that.. ehem(clear throat)
i'm sooo delighted and grateful to get straight A"s in my pmr
my prayer was answered. :)

ok then..
as my story proceeds with all the itsy bitsy love thing..
i think bout it a lot of times..
it took all the week i didn't get the chance to meet him..
and soo i came up with i think a regretful yet rational step.. that
i let him go..
let it go..it might hurt some..but
i noe i can heal thru time..
it's tough thing to do..
cuz when first he like me..i felt uneasy and tried to avoid him
then thru time..i started to love him..
but then i have to let it go..i don't know why..

tomorrow

2009-12-22T10:25:00.000-08:00

big day tomorrow yawww!!
oh my god like so soon??
i can't believe it..cuz i think that the pmr just over
n like a blink of time..poof...
the result has been confirmed and posted
and tomorrow will be day
immma call the school
and..and..
ask for my result
like
YA ALLAH ENGKAU BERIKANLAH KU 8A.AMIN
it's all i've always wanted for the 3 years i'd struggled n i dont want em to go wasted
so y'all get my point
im just feeling terribly chilled n thrilled and oh cant' be describe
see im not the innocent decentgood girl
but im not bad..just..just..oh.
i my ownself know what the just is..so let it be in me
so it's freakingly scary and ntah laa
like that laa
only the ones who experienced this will trully understand the condition im going thru
:((

and rite now beside my parent;family
i need him
i need my baby badly..i need my syednaqashhaidershah
now if possible
cuz i just had a bad midnite..
not a nitemare but just..depressing midnite
i wanted to call him but i have got no credit
to even text him
i just kinda..feeling rebellious..and unappreciated..
and sad..and torn..to what had just happened..it was completely not fair that i just can't stood up for myself to tell em what i really felt//like being treated thta way..with cursing and oh. heart breaking..
emotionally i creid..but of course no one knows..i was crying..
cuz
i'm not a child now.i can take care of myself. musn't let them down now. musn't let them see me cry. im fine.im fine..

i undertand all the sacrifices and so many else but can't they just
understand me..how i feel noo what i feel
i dont know i feel like shouting out so instead i cry.n cry.in my room
accompany only by the darkness and the sound of my sobbing
oh so dramatic..but oh.how torn i felt..and how more n more i felt of running to him
my darling baby :((
but..
deep im not sure ..if we're still are..
i mean i love him..but does he??
haih ntahlaaa..
i tried alot of ways..but nothing is returning
and for that the cut is getting deeper and deeper
and the strength to hold on is getting shallow each time..i think bout not gonna be with pon later on
our relationship hvae no future at all :((
so i keep on holding on..to something that can destroy me for sure even if it's trusted..?
:((
ntah laa.wtv it is..i just want to get 8 A's :)

confusion

2009-12-13T05:44:00.001-08:00

i keep thinking..
what should i do when i come to this situation
should i let it go..or
let myself drown in the pain
or..
keep on walking to the destination i never know
i never know..
yeah nobody ever know what is suppose to be at the future..

'boy i relly wanna try to work this out cause i'm tired of fighting..'

that is how i feel now.
practically..
before my school start again
haish..

i'm tired of fighting to work this thing out
he keep giving excuses..
but that are the true reasons
i understand him for that. i know why it's hard for him to handle this
i just know all that so i keep giving in but..
at the same time i don't feel what he's trying to do
well he is not even trying to do anything
i think no..that's why he said he don't promise commitment
he even break up with me because he tot i can't wait
he didn't want to waste my time and hurt me more well that's what he'd said to me.i understand what he's trying to do..
so in this case if im hurting it will be my fault cuz he already said it.
n i refused it.
i said it.i'll wait.
so my bad.
now.it's just so hard to undo the complicated knot.
so i think of shutting up
and let things flow on 'em own
i don't know why im sooo desperate for all these..ugghh
aqish please stop these nonsense
you just can't let these things alone.that's ur prob.
but if i don't nothing is gonna be clear.it'll be just hanging
seriously i just got a lot to ask n tell
haih.he keep on put everything at a hang
whatever laa.
aqish you can't force everything to be in the way you wanted.
you can't.wake up for that.
your life........
long way to go.got lots of way to entertain yourself..
but this ain't entertainment
this is a need.no a desire no i don't know.it's just that
it's what you want when u fell in love.that's it
but aqish just sacrifice your feelings for him..
just let it go laa
let it be.no use. the pieces of puzzle you're trying to solve.
can't be done cuz there are pieces of 'em are with him..
sooo let it be undone..

my lips like sugar

2009-11-21T02:20:00.000-08:00

SWEET AND ELEGANT

2009-11-18T07:25:00.000-08:00

just like SITI SARAH
i also have a way to the heart expression.
here it is~
AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!~
when will i recover fully from my sickness ?!!?!?!!?
well
at first i got flue and cough..and i ignore them
since it was..alaa biasa laa
saket seseme batuk..
then it became worse.i mean not that worse..the infection affect my ear..left ear
no.i'm not deaf yet..not yet.but no.i'm not deaf.that's not it.
it's just that...oh no i'm going numb again.
this medicine to my ear thing has got this effects
1)it doze you off
2)it makes you numb
oh back to the ear infection.yes
i feel that like it's been blocked or ea..like infected you know.it bother's me like hell.
i'm going crazy because of this.i can my breathing from the inside..it's creepy.
and the cough is still going on consistently..not descending at all.
i'm taking pills not and some nose drops.urrghh
i hate it.lots.but i need to cure myself.though i know to prevent is better than to cure.whatever.guess i have to cure now..then letting it be..
i'm getting sleepy now.
hmmm
i'm missing him now.know i shouldn't
because he left me hanging.again and again.i think i'm going to get serik if he tells me straight to my face.
i don't know
he said he loved me.last week on saturday.but that's it??
why??
what??..i'd just ran through a typical guy again??..i thought he's diff.i mean..at first yes.we'd..no no..i'd been in this with him almost 4 years..i'd known him that long..guess it's not enough.
because people change when they grow up.i mean.well there are a lot of pushing and pulling.surrounding.friends.a lot.he changed.
i'm confuse.i don't know whether this thing is fortunate or unfortunate cuz my feeling for him is fading..sometimes i feel like i'm fooling myself .forcing to make my heart enter his.but nothing.
it's like..
yes. i miss him.i love him..but not in love anymore.
it seems to come and go.
haih
why am i making it hard??
cuz i can't resist the temptation like amira had said.
that's why
if not i can easily said
dear,i'm not into this anymore..so..gues..this is it. i can go for no more.
but..
i'll be missing him if i do soo..
soo..how??
the thing is too..i love him still.
but i'm afraid.afraid of everything..
none of you can understand but i hope amira can when i'm going to tell her this
i need her to listen to it.
i told alot of people.but.i'm not satisfied at all
maybe..i'm going sooo keling rite now.
so that's why nobody can understand.
but what i know is..i'm in a big question mark and can't wait to meet him..
if we meet laaa
i'd said i trust him
but that too..means almost nothing.i don't know whether to trust him or not.
i don't know.don't know what to make out of this
i just need explanation from him.that's it.and it's relly hard to get that.urgghh

better for me to stop.or else i'm gonna go insane

hit me.dush~

2009-11-16T04:29:00.000-08:00

3 days now.and still i can't figure any way to wash away my boredom.
it's killing me ok.it's just too much
i'd plan what to do at home..but..
everything's ruined.
no actually not yet because i haven't tried once
i haven't try anything what i'd planned at home
well.it's still half possible anyway.guess i have to change them a bit.with what the condition is now.the weather.it's raining all day from when the sun rise and set.twilight till dawn...and how thing's going at home.
everything is very complicated.or maybe that is how i can describe my life.
complicated.messed up..like lifeless.

recently.i'd received a bundle of books.6 all together.
they're almost related to the stories about vampires.i mean dark stories.but they aren't monotonous.readable.fine and enjoyable.i'm reading a book titled KISS TO DEATH. i thought it's about vampire.death.romance..but it's different.well what do you expect.it's Orion's children's book.so of course nothing much about romance but i know english book will have at least a small portion about romance.it's just somehow i found it to be compulsory in either english movies and books.so i quite like the book.but since it's raining everyday.it's like the book itself seems to haunt me.as it has dark setting too.i wonder. how Venice is like. but the way the author had describe it very mysterious and dark.whatsoever.

urgghh..
my blog seems to be very dull.so boring.haiyo.
the zero in my mind descend this.
bialaa.
when i got the mood.i'll do it good.
<3,
QESH

since when aQesh?

2009-11-15T12:24:00.001-08:00

he is all i need now.just.now.

secondhand serenade

2009-11-15T10:40:00.000-08:00

he's getting older.
his look.too.of course.
but..
he's perpetually my guy!!
hottest creature!.no one will deny that for sure.lala~

dedicated to wan amira ahmad.

2009-11-14T23:08:00.000-08:00

thanks a lot dude for that quote whatsoever
i am sooo damn glad too.haha.
oh the STUPIDEST THING??..ah.good times.
i like to laugh with you.
cuz when we start laughing.we just can't stop.YEAH!!
haha.
and oh.i still got a lot to tell you.
brace yourself dude.im gonna release an atom bomb on you.
well again it's about the same person but..another different true story.eh i'm crapping.
aaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!
this thang make me goo craZy and confuse.so i need help.as if i'm suffocating and i need CPR.oh! 0_0..x_x

2009-10-21T10:42:00.000-07:00

ho wow!

i can't believe it i had to stay up till past midnight

to take control of the internet from my mum's obsession

it's hard to persuade her for it..

takes long time..she'll give reasons..for time extension.

i got something to write..

but my eyes are very weary and tired right now.

and my brain can't function well

all i desire now is to sleep very soundly..

like them in the house..

ugh..

it sounds creepy when you're all alone in the LR

well i'm keen to meet amira.tomorrow which already is..

a few more hours from now.

i got alot of things to tell her..

to aMira: i know your ears burnt when you listened to my stories but you are compulsory to do so.. so sorry due..

too much too write..but yet again i guess i'd figured to write only what's on mind now..

ok back to the very-keen-to-meet amira..

i just can't wait to repeat again my stories..to her.

i just don't mind becaues i have this psycho habit

which is i like to recall back memories and blurt them out just to express my feelings and to do comparisons..

i don't know i think i'm being hit by some sort of love stories wtv..??!!

right now i'm chatting with a 13 year old boy..which my friend's brother's freind..WOW!

how could that happen..

maybe i was blinded over by his english in myspace..

it was so deep and meaningful..like myself too wouldn't have reach to that idea of writing to express the feelings..

he wrote things i'd always longed for..

this was for his far away girlfriend:

You came into my life unexpectedly, and everything took a turn for the better. Your warm eyes, your laugh, the sincere way you speak, and the kindness you showed me, all became a part of my life. As you unfolded yourself to me, I discovered more and more beauty. I have never seen so much gentleness in one person. Without even knowing it, you were slowly making a place for yourself in my heart. It used to seem so hard at times to feel so close in a relationship. But it’s so easy to feel close to you. I can’t tell you how nice that feels. I realize now that I had never known what it meant to be loved until I was loved by you.-zoro-

how wonderful is that if my dream guy would dedicate me this quotes..

i think the sweetest thing he had dedicated to me was the 'hey there delilah' song

which really suits me now as it goes like this

'two more years and you'll be done with school and i'll be making history like i do '

and

'a thousand miles seem pretty far but we've got planes, trains and cars..i'll walk to you if i have no other..our friends will all make fun of us but we'll just laugh along because we know that none of them will felt this way'

hahaha

if i keep on holding on to this song

i'll simply need somebody to come straight to me and knock me on my head and slap me in the face..yelling right into my eardrum

WAKE UP!!!DON"T STONED YOURSELF IN THE PAST. GET UP AND GET GOING. YOU GOT A LOT MORE TO GAIN OUT THERE!!!!!OUT INTO THE BATTLEFIELD!

but i'm very vulnerable when it comes to remembering the past because i like to keep them and if they're good i'll live with them..i just need someone to drag me out from the lost tunnel i'm in.

just leave it like thta

because if i proceed writing them down i don't think i can stop...and soon the keyboard's gonna turn to flame..

hahah!

that was too much..

carzy.crazy.crazy.

that was what i thought to myself

then i have to stop talking bout him now..

(sigh)

oh as i recalled back my buddies in sktd.

which i called during the old times..

wye lun's name appeared in my head..even justin's name popped right out.

how are they now?

oh darren??..who i thought had bugged into my life accidently..

calling me and said he missed me..no worst he said he missed my big nose??..=_=

what was that supposed to mean..but it doesn't matter now..

okay let me list down the 6-o

leroy, who had admitted that i was the best malay girl in school.

justin, who had been my deskmate and fight everyday

darren, people called him the watermelon

wye lun, i remembered spelling his name wrongly as in WHY LUN

zhi wei, maybe he had grown taller than me

who is another one??

wait...oh my god

jun jim..um did i spell hims name correct??..i don't know.

oh ea he's with the hair sticking out like what.like shade or something

haha!

miss them little bit

oh it's sooo past my bedtime..

till then..

2009-10-20T09:33:00.000-07:00

yo dude!!
if you're reading blog

i would like to say...:

"i'm in love with your blog..

yup i love your writing style

it's okay for that, your blog can be my cure"

haha!..that's too much i think

well

you inspired me..and

big round of applause for you for giving me a little portion of life..

i have a new hobby now.WOW!

which i think this is simply the best than doing anything else,mopping around like a wondering lost shadow..

don't question me why..

by the way what's with the class you're taking??

is it for real??

dude..it's not easy..

but maybe you can endure the task..

because learning foreign language is good~

interesting in some ways.

but where are you gonna practise 'em?

are you sick??

maybe it is just a little upset or shocked by wtv i don't know.

no doesn't make sense at all.

well i just got up with the idea of meeting you tomorrow.:(

but not till you're feeling well..whole.

that intro was specially made up by aQish for her dear aMira..haha!

sincerely,

Qesh.

oh by the way..amira

my password for this is sooo..whoopy

you'll know why later i'll tell when we meet

then you'll know how much i had fell head to toe for this guy..

very unfortunately..again.

as a start..

my life goes a lot better

almost recover but not as whole.

there's still a missing puzzle..

i'm searching for it..

but it will remain the same..

until maybe he comes back home.

oh..damn! it's night and i'm crapping again..

i don't know why i'll be going crazy at night.

it just happen you see..

and i seem to blurt it out here.at least than having myself staring out the window

trying to picture out whatever i have in mind.

that will be even crazier.

did i mention of having a dream of 'him' ??

yeah.

i did

well

i didn't even got the chance to breathe right

and again i had another dream..oh

yes the truly nightmare and truly beautiful..

it was a combination of vampires and basketball

the freaking one was the vampire one and this guy was..i called him 'Justin'..

he has a lot in common with the guy i'm falling for with.

okay let me just summarize my dream..

there was this one night..

all of the vampires gathered together..couples..

to have a dinner in a garden like decorated porch.

i don't know

they were wearing maybe the theme colour..

white and baby blue well some with dark.

they are very beautiful and handsome..

i was there, but alone having no partner.. but i seemed to have a lot of fun serving the food to them

(i'm not a servant by the way..it was like i was treating my guests.)

subsequently.

there was a couple arrived just in time i was about to start the dinner..

it was the 'Justin' guy with his date..

i was jealous there to see him so very intimate with his girlfriend.

but at the moment he saw me..

he left his deary and went straight to me..approached breathtakingly

he had said he needed me because i remembered asking him

why don't you go to your girlfreind??

and i wondered to myself too why isn't his girlfriend came to us??

but..why bother

i was losing myself and wanted to treat him like a child

badly, i felt like holding him close to me and said everything's alright i'm right for you

i don't know why he seemed to be in vein and i was..related maybe

to be able to feel his pain..

then suddenly he had slowly transformed by a spell

funny was that his arms and legs both were turned into lady's.

oh my god!!

that time i couldn't stop myself from crying

tears streaming down my cheeks..it was sooo dreadful.

and he died of that spell..

next the setting changed

it was like i was at a platform with crowd of basketball players

they were all tall and muscular

i'm drowning in the flood of hot guys.

oh my god!

but at that time i was searching for somebody..desperately searching for him

it the 'Justin' guy again..

weird i had a 2 in 1 dream

okay to proceed..at last i had found him

i was overjoyed and ran to him,jumped onto him and hugged him tightly..

he was so glad and happy to see me too

he looked through my eyes and my heart started pounding again

and he swayed me again..he was actually heading for the game..as he was one of the player

as he swayed me my 'he' caught my eyes..i asked 'Justin' to put me down and went to 'him'

that time suddenly the atmosphere was very gloomy.'his' eyes were full of wonders and anger (i can tell that he was jealous..and i liked that)

we hugged,,this time it was different

it was a though we had missed each other a lot..liked long lost ex who i still loved and i know he still loved me..but each of us had to go on different path..

so we met up in this sad situation..

it lasted long..because i really missed him that i cried..he said he missed me too...and off he went for the game and i was then alone..again..

than i woke up like there was a wave had hit me.

well it was just a dream after all

it just happened..and i kinda like it~

still got a lot more to write

but the bed's calling so it's just so irresistible..

goodnight..

2009-10-19T23:28:00.000-07:00

everyone has his own sad stories..doesn't he??

every walk of life has their own divergent stories to tell..

with different expressions.

i do.

every event that happen in my life is very deep and meaningful

i will try not to forget even the smallest of a matter...oh every HAPPINESS

but..

SADNESS

is a word that can best describe 3 over 4 of my life...at least for now.

but let just me keep it to myself...besides

this is called life,isn't it??..only then it'll be complete.

i'll just have to have self- conscious to every what's happening to me.that even can hit me to the ground.

that can make my world become very fatal..up side down.whatever.

there's no need for me to express here.because i don't need the whole world to know bout it.

but i've always hope for a miracle to happen.

i don't know.

if you really wanna know bout it though

then let's trade shoes.

i'll be you.you'll be me.

just to see what it'd be liked to

feel your pain you'll feel mine

go inside each others mind just to see what we find through each others eyes.

good.

that's enough.

i'd been having bad rocking attitude.

feeling very tense up..like there's no other place to run.

it's true

at home or school

i've always have same kind of situations.which i feel like giving up,losing hopes,banging my head to the wall. i don't know.

or maybe i just have to put myself under the bed trying to hide myself from the world..

to see me crying like a baby.

but as i grew up i learnt a lot of things as i gained challenging experiences..

with uncountable obstacles.

funny..how i could manage myself from being crazy when at last i gave up myself feeling very stupid.

for now..or before i felt thrilled and overwhelmed by having new lenses for my deary eyes.

i had chose 3 colours.very beautiful that can match my eyes.

they had brought up the beauty in me.haha!

well my eyes are my asset..well i should maintain the natural ones.

it is sometimes very plastic like materials..there will be no more specialty if i keep on wearing them..but now it has become trends.

so i don't wanna be 2000 and late.

till then i have a lot more to write about my dreams.. beautiful nightmare for sure..

truly nightmare.

truly beautiful.

and what i'm looking forward to do..

right now..

justin bieber's face is playing in mind.he's just plain cute that disguised benjamin rojas.

2009-10-18T08:16:00.000-07:00

Today..

is so ..'what??!!'..when i looked back.

I woke up very late..at 1 PM

maybe it was because i had beautiful nightmare.

i dreamt of HIM

the 18 year old boy i'd mention.

It was nice, no, splendid!

we were like small kids,trying to hide from our mummies to a secret hideout...

that was actually at the poolside

we were trying to hold hands.i don't know why but it was just funny trying to do that.

we were..i don't know why..-giving out drinks to people around..

like it was our party or what.

i wish i'd not wake up from the 'impossible-it's-reality' dream.,urgh!

Ok that was just a dream.nothing happen yet.

but..

it was frustrating to start a day finding your favoutrite new sandels were lost..

when you had not really wear that sandels that much.

when it just gave you the confident to walk as the sunshine above you..

worst..

when that was the only casual footwear you had with you when others were all in trash.

when your mum said..'i'm not gonna buy for you anymore!'

oh i hate it. a lot.

then i was all pissd off..easily annoyed.

but what to do it just happened.i can't go back in time search for them.it was so ridiculous.

And so i danced to shake the stress away.

it was useless.i was blank.

i didn't know what to do..so i started to cut that magazines again.tried to read a book.

it was bloody blue.

ONE NIGHT STAND

friends said it was interesting..i can't tell yet.

then time passed so quickly..

went out to KFC..no appetite

followed my grandma to the police station to lodge a report about an accident.

well at least it was something than doing nothing.

it was my first time to enter..everything was white and blue..

the procedures ran smoothly.

until then it was already night..

had spent my time with the CLEO.

before i do this blogging.

hooray for me.i actually do blogging.

done with that.

oh yeah..

i just felt like screaming out loud..

and want him around.

stupid thought..it was just that news about Pakistan.like war or something..

hahah

i'm being sacarstic right now.

feeling anxious too much i should stop

just hope he IS safe there...

2009-10-17T09:37:00.000-07:00

Alright

my life is..

hard to describe.

things happen just like that.

It's true..

nobody ask for a bad hair day..

or even to be heart broken.

but these things

happen

because they just happened.

Well..

for me it's true..i can't run away from that fact. Can you?

Life is..

complicated, fun,exiting,intriguing,disappointing,monotonous,screwed up,plain,enjoyable,living, colourful,sad,memorable,depressing, adventurous..

Life is good,don't waste it. never regret it.

It's god's gift..

and it's up to us how to paint it well.

Mine..?

let's just keep it to myself.

I'm 15/2009.

mature enough to walk on this world alone?

i guess i can never illustrate my life alone.

NEVER.

The best day of my life of the year apart from any other fun stuff..

is the end of my PMR.

very SUPERB!!!

but it was just not what i'd thought it'll be like.

i thought of like jumping around,screaming on top of my lungs..like i'm the only one who indulge this happiness..

but actually the feeling was..nothing much.

okay i was happy,exited,hyped..but not as much i'd imagined.

it's not that my mind was hit by the news that we're gonna start the f4 learning stuff...

but kind off kicked off by that anyway.

really deep i am exited.i couldn't wait to go home.

but to fill in the moment of waiting for friday to come..

it was sooo dragging..

and i started off going sooo weewee.

playing with my feelings that i can never resist..

and cropping some magazines pictures.

thinking to turn them into collages..

scrap books..not crap books.

hmmm..

had discussions for drama planning.

one is for english and another is for foreign languages..

then

oh,i hate friends who don't appreciate friends.

i'll not unwrap the story.

it's just tooo cold to be told.

but i just HATE it ALOT!!!

it punched a hole in me..

hmm.

let's talk about love life.

hahah.

what does it have to do with a 15 year old girl with an 18 year old boy..?

i have no idea.

this thing keep pushing and pulling me..

down and up

make me float,hanging,feeling high..

it sounds lame but it was great experience though

funny and stupid.

it is very challenging but nice..

i really APPRECIATE this kind of stuff.

it's just different from other events that happen in my life.

it is so called puppy love whatsoever..

i know,i know.

but this is called life

it just happen..